Gabriel Waterloo

Bună. Voi incepe in varianta engleza că persoane cu care țin legătura cu mine să înțeleagă ceea ce scriu…

Mai jos urmează și varianta în limba Romana

I do not have to tell the story that crushes me, that’s not important, I just want to know if there’s someone like me who suffers for various reasons, which for various reasons so I meet my friends I have to smile fake to laugh together but no one knows what the fight is in my heart …

My name is Gabriel but my friends tell me gimmy, so simple, I’m 36 years old … many say I am a beautiful age to enjoy life, but it’s not like that … A few years ago I realized that I was not what I should be, what God let me be … I realized that I was nothing but a scourge of society, no one ..

So I started to lock myself in, to refuse all the invitations of the few friends I have, the refusal to go out somewhere or I know what … I do not want to know anything anymore. My only refuge is the night bar and I sit back in a corner of the bar and quiet and drink alcohol to some extent for some, but I have already used to resist 20 bottles of beer.

Always in my mind is a question where I can not find the answer. In my mind it just appears „Why me?” Why?
A long time ago, when I was a kid somewhere at the age of 6, I was playing with my friends, we were running the first one at the end, but I do not know exactly how it happened when I was hit by a car and I woke up to the hospital after many days of sleep asking mother what happened.

I was lucky to get away with life, stayed in a coma for 3 days and hospitalized for nearly two months because I had to face real problems and many interventions, I had cranial fractures in several places. I suffered a lot. At that time there was no medical technology. Still, I thought I was a fighter who had escaped with my life, but my childhood problems started to get worse, family problems with my father who fell into the spirit of alcohol, came home late. I had to look at the quarrels and beats my mother had on a daily basis but I could not do anything as a child.

Finally my parents divorced and my childhood had a major change as well as my behavior in which I became quite mature and swore that my life would be different from my parents. I have been with my mother in any situation to get her out of pain. I had the time when I spent my winter holidays at my grandparents, I was lucky to get away with the crack at the heating booth, I was intoxicated with carbon monoxide and I fainted. I was saved …

At the age of 14 you have already become a good footballer with a promising future and great chances to go to big teams. every day we progressed, and we reached the secondary division. at 18 years my dream has turned into a nightmare after a hit with a player, I chose my broken leg and it all broke. Everything I lost, my dream, all. I spent 6 months for recovery, then the doctor told me to stay away from the football field.

I have suffered a lot, I have withdrawn from my dear ones, and from my mother, who was with me unconditionally. I started drinking alcohol for the first time and I started smoking, I became a rebel. I hardly came back to myself and I consulted with that thought and went further. I met a girl I fell in love with and the relationship was beautiful, a relationship I had already had 5 years together, and I asked her for marriage, and I was happy and I felt fulfilled and anxious.

That, until I get part again, my darkest nightmare … My father died in a work accident, that day my fiancé called to tell me he wants us to break up. I do not know how to explain what I felt at that moment, but surely nobody wants to feel what I felt. An immense suffering and agony, barely two years later, I found myself. At that time I was only 25 years old. I am a man like anybody else, a man who tried to do something for a good life but everything he does is against me.

A man of values ??and good principles must endure a deed that has not failed. I do not know why all these things happen to me. Since then I have not been involved in a relationship, I have come to be a man who has no value in a relationship, that, so far, at present.

Last year in December I stayed on facebook and I discovered this game, Rise of the King, and tempted me to install this app. That was in December on my 29th and my first castle where I renamed Waterloo in the kingdom 164.

I discovered new friends, I quickly learned the strategy of this game and it seemed tempting to me. I continued to play, to move forward until I realized that things were serious, so I made the effort to help all the players develop. Here begins a love story where I met a girl named Oana, to say, I fell in love with her, her way of approach, her way of thinking and so begins her relationship. To put it right, I was hesitant, I did not want to get involved in a relationship because I do not support failures but she has already managed to conquer me.

I do not know how he succeeded, but he just succeeded. My relationship with Oana started beautifully, we agreed to not hurry and try if we fit in or stop. But she chose the relationship to advance, and so I became a couple, and I was happy and dreamy to have a new chance, and in my mind there were many things I thought about plans for the future and my promise to myself on that day when we are together I will make the woman feel as loved as I can and every day to show how much I love.

There are many things I’ve dreamed of and I wanted to do that. There are many things I thought if I was unhappy in my childhood, I will make sure my family will be happy and I will always love and unconditionally and that my child will not have my fate …. With her I talked and explained that this is my last trip and I asked not to hurt me after I explained my failures by what I did not support I have this part again. She promised she would not hurt me and that she would be the last woman in my life. So I started to trust her and I started to put a lot of soul on it. Whatever I do and wherever I go I always thought about her. Every morning I write romantic and sweet words and many things I did, being in love and happy ….

There are many things I did together and everything went perfectly, like fairy tale stories. I’m struggling to lose weight to show herself in the shape of her own, and that’s what I’ve done. In fact, there’s a lot to say and I do not want to go on …. Look, when I write these lines I really feel like it’s like it was a bad dream and it’s over. But it’s done … Something was wrong and there were problems but I trusted her and ignored the others, being in love.

There have been moments and misunderstandings that we have overcome but have not been that person before, it has been a radical change and, at the same time, my despair to understand what is happening but has already ended the relationship. This has turned out to be a nightmare for me, and that’s where my change was in a bad man. I became a bad guy after I grabbed alcohol and beams again every night, in fact after my work, my only refuge was the bar. I drank so much that from my unconscious I hit a car with anger always asking the word „why me?”

Immediately the police intervened, we paid the fine plus the damage to the £ 4300 car. The money I raised in four months has really left me a big hole in my budget. What was in my head and why did I do not know how to answer you, it was an incalculable gesture, I know that. I continued the next day to drink, day by day, and the job I already lost because I did not come to work.

But I still managed to come back because the English manager knew about my situation, he took me out of the „agony” area, but I started to eat almost nothing, I could not sleep as much as I wanted I could not. I also took sleeping pills for at least a good night’s sleep. None of this was helpful. It’s been 2 days, 3 days without sleep and no food, and I’ve already felt really bad. In these 3 days I only consumed water, many energies (about 7 per day), coffees and 2 packs of cigarettes a day, that is, 40 cigarettes. I knew I was exposed at great risk, but it did not matter to me.

It was Friday, the last day of work at the end of the week and I could not work and I fainted. Yes, I fainted and with tears in my eyes I told myself in my thought that this was to be. I was taken to the hospital and I took many infusions, I was taken to the psychologist, but for me it was a waste of time. On Sunday I left the hospital refusing to stay on the reason that I needed the money and that I had to work. You know, all this time after breaking Oana,

I always hoped, even the slightest hope, that she would look for me. I always look at the phone but no sign of it. I do not support this break-up and I can not stand the failure again, and especially because the break-up happened because of misunderstanding and no plausible explanation so I insisted and I took the courage after many insistent Oana answered me and told me suffers from cancer and can not bear to see me in pain when she will not be. This made me change suddenly and calmly … but, sadness, troubles as usual are in the chain for me but my love for Oana was so immense that I forgot everything, forgot the money on who worked hard and paid the fine of stupidity.

I have always considered that money does not mean anything in human life, and love is the most precious thing in the world and I have always considered it. In the end, we have come to terms with that, I have once again become that person as I was before being in love, but I have always remembered not to forget about drugs and to fight for life. In fact, Oana did not want to take drugs and accepted to come that time and give up life. I was extremely worried and the despair of not losing it, I finally managed to convince her.

In fact, I knew that she was an extremely stubborn woman, but I never had conflicts like that, I always left it as it is until it gets better. In fact, I was not even disturbed by her nature, I loved her too much, in fact I came to love her more than my own life. But I’m gonna stop here …

After a while, actually a few days after we got together, things got pretty serious and he did not answer the phone, nothing. Just followed the discussion and just told me that „she no longer has feelings for me”. A bad reply to me and so cruel that I can not understand anything and which would be the reason. Although I, every day, say how much I love, every day I send her love declarations especially in the morning while she is asleep. there are many that only a really in love man do many beautiful things ….

Just as I wake up every morning much earlier and I started to write these romantic words every day day by day. But …. I beg of God to help me and to make me understand why all this is happening to me. Oana left me again, and I tried to tear her in, and I even tried but I just refused to believe it was over. I loved her much, too much. I do not understand why my love for Oana was so immense that I got into this situation and my despair to try to get out of this impasse. I began to turn myself into another man, that man like I was, as friends of the kingdom know me as a man of good personality, a pleasant man.

But no, I’m not that man, I just changed. I started to hate her every passing day because she knew of my unfortunate past, she knew of my tragedy, she knew of my unhappy childhood, and she promised she would not hurt me and she would be my last woman in life and finally I will have happiness, and this has given me confidence and confidence.

She knew it was my last train in this relationship, and that I would love no one else, that my feelings I gave her, and my heart and soul, absolutely everything. That’s how I started to fall in love with you. But she ruined my life brutally and with such cruelty …. I do not understand why this person is doing so bad … It’s all over.

I started to distance myself from my friends, my family, and everyone. Including the game I left and I said goodbye to the 164 kingdom (to mention that I still play in the kingdom 284 where I have often tried to let myself but I joined the Polish group because they are people The next day it was Monday and I assured myself when everyone went to work and when I was left alone I wrote a letter for my gesture of what I was going to do, so my last message I sent to Oana in tears, I did not want to get this and I said goodbye to all of them.

What strange feeling I had, dizzy, angry and tired of so much torment and suffering, I cut my veins and I sat down in the bathtub, in the bathroom, and I took 4 sleeping pills to sleep just to embrace death. … the last thing I ever did was just look at the pictures of the sheep before falling asleep. that’s all I remember.

I know the gesture is so bad and so wrong, but you understand what it means to love a lot, and I think few know this thing that had such a life as mine. No one wants to feel that which I felt. But I still live, I still live …

How did I get away with life? I slept 8 hours and lost much blood and unbearable pain when they returned to my life. my friends panicked when they found me in the bathroom saved me and I hated them. I lost a lot of blood and I needed blood, donors are not really because I have different blood groups and few have it but eventually it was found. But I had to fight to save the kidneys being affected but eventually I escaped.

I spent two weeks in the hospital, in these 2 weeks I did not get a sign from the ward, to know if I still live or not. So indifferent to all the evil that caused me. I have suffered so much suffering and I do not know what to do, how to get out of this impasse … So I returned to the game, friends from my alliance received me with open arms and still trying to raise my mind as look at my nightmare. Thanks for that and I appreciate, especially the players in the kingdom who know me.

Many say I’m a good person with a good personality and a good sense. But I’m not that man anymore, my life has changed radically. I am no longer the man who was once because I lost everything, I ceased to believe in God … I am the man who no longer believes in faith, I am the man who no longer hopes for anything, but in fact I am no longer human .

I’ve often tried to get back but I’m too tired and can not. Do you want to know what I learned? The Oana I loved so much already came in contact with a Turkish named Musa Baba, so they formed a couple and their castles renamed „Gulumseme”. This word means smile or happiness. I mean, I have suffered and the babe with the baba musa loved. I have also learned through the friendship of the hell about cancer that was actually fake. I found out more about Oana as a person who is flirting with many boys. And I was so naive and dreamy I did in Oana.

This work means that Oana took advantage of my feelings and that she never really loved me. As a result of me, I lost over 4000 pounds, I resorted to the gesture of committing suicide, and I turned to turn myself into a bad person as I said before, I’m no longer human. Now I’m alive, I’m still alive, but my soul is so empty and so cold and I do not know what to do to get back to normal. I was fired for the past few days because they did not give a return. Every day I go to the bar and drink alcohol, and my financial situation has already reached minus.

Monday I have to go to work to win for my living. I do not know what I’m going to do from now on. Now you understand why it’s so hard for a man? The hard moments she has endured in her childhood, the failure that has lost my future, the failure of the tragedy of my father’s death, and at the same time the same day break the engagement, the failure I have had with this woman, that is, the oana that has stolen my future my, and my right to happiness, the person who promised me he will never hurt me. And I hope you do not criticize me, but that’s me.

I’ve lost everything and I do not hope for anything from this life, all I have to do is embrace my heart. Love is said to be a risk, because I’m never sure I will feel the real emotions. This relationship I had with Oana I hoped wholeheartedly that this time it would be better, but on the other hand I was afraid of the betrayal and the unhappiness I can live out of love.

It is true that love can kill, my gesture to end life but I failed. It is so painful that I can not explain in words how much I suffer. He holds the phone in his hand, hoping he’ll call me. But days pass, then weeks, and my thoughts push. I’m thinking „what does he do to me?

Does he think of me?” I barely manage to get out of bed and try to start a new life but I’m too tired and disappointed in this way of my life, all I have to do is embrace the frantic heart, try to live the days with the smile on my lips, to hide the pain, but not every time. Thanks for your time and I hope you do not criticize me, but every person has his personality, each with his or her own bad or bad.

This is me who suffers and tries to get out of this moment hard. The truth is that I turned into a bad man because in my soul there was only hate. I’m trying to reinvent that man … But I do not care. Thank you for reading my drama. Waterloo (kingdom 164, 284)

Urmează varianta in limba Romana

Nu am sa spun povestea ce ma macina, nu asta este important… vreau doar sa stiu daca mai exista cineva ca mine care din diferite motive sufera, care din diferite motive asa ca mine care se intalneste cu prietenii sunt nevoit sa zambesc fals sa rad alaturi de ei, dar fara ca nimeni sa stie ce lupta se da in sufletul meu…

Ma numec Gabriel dar prieteni mei imi spun gimmy, asa simplu, am 36 de ani… multi spun ca am o varsta frumoasa la care ma pot bucura de viata, dar nu este asa… Acum cateva timp in urma am realizat ca nu sunt ceea ce ar trebui sa fiu, ceea ce Dumnezeu a lasat sa fiu… Mi-am dat seama ca nu sunt decat un rebut al societatii, adica mai exact un nimeni.. Asa ca am inceput sa ma inchid in mine, sa refuz toate invitatiile putinilor prieteni pe care ii mai am, refuzul de a iesi undeva sau mai stiu eu ce…

Nu mai vreau sa stiu nimic de nimeni. Singurul meu refugiul este barul de noapte si stau retras intr-un colt de bar si linistit si beau alcool intr-o oarecare masura exagerat de mult pentru unii dar eu deja m-am obisnuit sa rezist 20 sticle de beri. Mereu in mintea mea se aseaza o intrebare unde nu pot gasi raspunsul. In mintea mea pur si simplu apare „De ce eu?” De ce?

In urma cu mult timp, cand am fost copil undeva la varsta de 6 ani ma jucam cu prieteni mei, alergam cine ajunge primul la punctul de final dar, nu stiu exact cum s-a intamplat de am fost lovit de o masina si m-am trezit la spital dupa multe zile de somn intreband pe mama ce s-a intamplat. Am fost norocosul care a scapat cu viata, am stat in coma 3 zile si spitalizat aproape 2 luni deoarece trebuia sa infrunt probleme reale si cu multe interventii, am avut fracturi craniana in mai multe locuri.

Am suferit mult. Pe vremea aceea nu exista tehnologie din punct de vedere medical. Totusi, m-am considerat a fi un luptator care a scapat cu viata dar problemele copilariei mele a inceput sa accentueze, probleme in familie cu tatal meu care a cazut in patima alcoolului, venea acasa tarziu. Eu trebuia sa privesc certurile si bataile pe care mama mea a suportat zilnic dar eu nu am putut sa fac nimic fiind copil.

Intr-un final parinti mei au divortat iar copilaria mea a avut o schimbare majora cat si comportamentul meu in care am ajuns sa fiu destul de matur si am jurat ca viata mea va fi diferita fata de parinti mei. Am fost alaturi de mama mea in orice situatie de a o scoate din suferinta.

Am avut perioada in care, in vacanta de iarna am stat la bunicii mei am avut noroc sa scap cu viata in urma fisurii de la centrala de incalzire, am fost intoxicat cu monoxid de carbon si am lesinat. Am fost salvat… La varsta de 14 ani impliniti deja am devenit un fotbalist bun cu un viitor promitator si cu sanse mari de a merge la echipe mari. in fiecare zi progresam, si am ajuns la divizia secundara. la nici 18 ani visul meu s-a transformat in cosmar in urma unui impact cu un jucator, m-am ales cu piciorul rupt si totul s-a naruit. Totul am pierdut, visul meu, tot.

Am stat 6 luni pentru recuperare ca mai apoi doctorul sa-mi spuna sa stau departe de teren de fotbal. Am suferit foarte mult, m-am retras de persoane dragi mie, si de mama mea, cea care a fost alaturi de mine neconditionat. Am inceput sa beau alcool pentru prima data si am inceput sa fumez, am devenit rebel.

Cu greu mi-am revenit in fire si m-am consolat cu acest gand si am mers mai departe. Am cunoscut o fata de care m-am indragostit si relatia a fost frumoasa, o relatie care deja implinisem 5 ani impreuna si o cerusem in casatorie, eu fiind fericit si ma consideram implinit, si nerabdator.

Asta, pana sa am parte din nou, cel mai negru cosmar al meu… Tatal meu a murit in accident de munca, in aceea zi logodnica mea m-a sunat sa-mi spuna ca vrea sa ne despartim. Nu stiu cum sa va explic ce am simtit in acel moment dar cu siguranta nimeni nu vrea sa simta asta ce am simtit eu.

O suferinta imensa si agonie, abia la aproape 2 ani m-am regasit. Pe atunci aveam doar 25 ani. Sunt un om ca oricare altul, un om care a incercat sa faca ceva pentru o viata buna dar orice as face totul este impotriva mea. Un om cu valorile si cu principii bune trebuie sa indure o fapta care nu a gresit cu nimic.

Nu stiu de ce toate aceste lucruri mi se intampla mie. De atunci nu m-am mai implicat intr-o relatie, am ajuns sa fiu un om care nu mai pune pret intr-o relatie, asta, pana acum, in prezent.

Anul trecut in luna decembrie am stat pe facebook si am descoperit acest joc, Rise of the king, si m-a tentat sa instalez aceasta aplicatie.

Asta a fost in luna decembrie pe data de 29 si primul meu castel unde am redenumit cu Waterloo in regatul 164. Am descoperit noi prieteni, am invatat repede strategia al acestui joc si mi s-a parut tentant. Am continuat sa joc, sa avansez pana sa realizez ca lucrurile devin serioase asa ca mi-am depus efortul de a ajuta tuturor jucatori de a se dezvolta.

Aici incepe si poveste de dragoste unde am cunoscut o fata pe nume Oana, drept sa spun, m-am indragostit de ea, de modul ei de abordare, de modul ei de gandire si asa incepe si relatia. Drept sa spun, eu am fost ezitant, nu voiam sa ma implic intr-o relatie deoarece nu suportam esecuri dar deja ea a reusit sa ma cucereasca.

Nu stiu cum a reusit, dar pur si simplu a reusit. Relatia mea cu Oana a inceput totul frumos, am stabibilit de comun acord sa nu ne grabim si sa incercam daca ne potrivim sau sa ne oprim. Dar ea a ales ca relatia sa avanseze si asa am devenit un cuplu, eu fiind fericit si visator ca mi s-a ivit o noua sansa si in mintea mea au fost multe lucruri la care m-am gandit la planuri de viitor si promisiunea mie insami ca in ziua aceea cand vom fi impreuna voi face pe femeia sa se simta cat mai iubita si in fiecare zi sa demonstrez cat de mult iubesc.

Sunt multe la care am visat si voiam sa realizez asta. Sunt multe lucruri la care m-am gandit daca in copilaria mea am fost nefericit, eu ma voi asigura ca familia mea va fi fericita si voi iubi mereu si neconditionat si ca copilul meu sa nu aiba parte ca soarta mea….

Cu oana am discutat si am explicat ca acest lucru este ultimul meu drum si am rugat sa nu ma raneasca dupa ce am explicat esecurile mele prin ce am trecut nu suport sa am parte de asta din nou. Ea mi-a fagaduit ca nu ma va rani si ca va fi ultima femeie din viata mea. Asa am inceput sa am incredere in ea si am inceput sa pun mult suflet la ea. Orice as face si oriunde ma duceam eu ma gandeam mereu la ea. In fiecare dimineata scriu cuvinte romantice si dulce si multe am facut, fiind indragostit si fericit….

Sunt multe care am facut impreuna si totul a mers perfect, ca in povesti cu basme. Eu ma luptam sa slabesc ca sa arat in forma cat sa fie pe placul ei si acest lucru am reusit. De fapt, sunt multe de spus si nu vreau sa continui….Uite, cand scriu aceste randuri chiar ma simt, de parca totul a fost un vis urat si a trecut. Dar e realiate… Ceva nu a fost in regula si a intervenit probleme dar eu aveam incredere in ea si ignoram pe ceilalti, fiind indragostit.

Au fost momente si neintelegeri pe care impreuna le-am depasit dar nu a mai fost acea persoana ca inainte, a fost o schimbare radicala si totodata, disperarea mea de a intelege ce se intampla dar deja a pus capat relatiei. Acest lucru s-a transformat ca un cosmar pentru mine si de aici a fost si schimbarea mea intr-un om rau. Am devenit un om rau dupa ce m-am apucat din nou de alcool si beam in fiecare seara, de fapt dupa munca singurul meu refugiul a fost barul.

Am baut atat de mult incat din inconstienta mea am lovit o masina cu furie intreband mereu acel cuvant „de ce eu?” Imediat a intervenit politia, am platit amenda plus paguba la masina £4300.

Banii acestia pe care i-am strans in 4 luni m-a lasat cu adevarat o mare gaura in bugetul meu. Ce a fost in capul meu si de ce am facut asta nu stiu sa va raspund, a fost un gest incalificabil, stiu asta. Am continuat zilele urmatoare sa beau, zi de zi, si locul de munca am pierdut deja pe motiv ca nu vin la munca. Dar am reusit totusi sa ma intorc inapoi deoarece managerul englez stiind de situatia mea, m-a scos din zona „agoniei” dar am inceput sa nu mai mananc aproape nimic, nu mai reuseam sa dorm oricat de mult as fi vrut nu am putut.

Am luat si somnifere ca macar sa am un somn bun. Nimic din toate astea nu a fost de ajutor. Au trecut 2 zile, 3 zile fara somn si fara mancare si deja m-am simtit foarte rau. In aceste 3 zile am consumat doar apa, multe energizante ( cam 7 pe zi ), cafele si 2 pachete de tigari pe zi, adica 40 de tigari. Stiam ca m-am expus la un mare risc dar nu mi-a mai pasat de nimic. A fost vineri, ultima zi de lucru la sfarsit de saptamana si nu am mai putut sa muncesc si am lesinat.

Da, am lesinat si cu lacrimi in ochii mi-am spus in gandul meu ca asta a fost sa fie. Am fost dus la spital si am suportat multe perfuzii, am fost dus si la psiholog dar pentru mine era pierdere de timp. Duminica am iesit de la spital refuzand sa mai stau pe motiv ca am nevoie de banii si ca trebuie sa muncesc. Stiti, in tot acest timp dupa despartirea de Oana, eu mereu am sperat, macar cea mai mica speranta, ca ma va cauta. Mereu ma uit la telefon dar niciun semn de la ea.

Nu suportam aceasta despartire si nu suportam din nou esecul si mai ales ca despartirea s-a intamplat pe motiv de neinteles si nicio explicatie plauzibila asa ca am tot insistat si mi-am prins curajul dupa multe insistente Oana mi-a raspuns si mi-a spus ca sufera de cancer si ca nu suporta sa ma vada in suferinta cand nu va mai fi.

Acest lucru m-a facut sa ma schimb brusc si cu mult calm… dar, si tristete, necazuri ca de obicei se tin in lant pentru mine dar dragostea mea pentru Oana a fost atat de imensa incat am uitat totul, am uitat de banii pe care am muncit din greu si am platit amenda din prostie. Eu mereu am considerat ca banii nu inseamna nimic in viata omului, si dragostea e cel mai pretios din lume si mereu am considerat asta. Intr-un final ne-am impacat, am devenit din nou acel om cum am fost inainte ca fiind indragostit, dar si mereu am reamintit sa nu uite de medicamente si sa lupte pentru viata.

De fapt Oana nu voia sa ia medicamente si a acceptat sa vina acel moment si sa renunte la viata. Eu fiind extrem de ingrijorat si disperarea de a nu o pierde am reusit sa o conving pana la urma. De fapt, eu stiam ca oana este o fire extrem de incapatanata dar niciodata nu am avut conflicte de genul asta, eu mereu am lasat-o asa cum este ea pana se mai linisteste. De fapt, nici nu m-a deranjat firea ei, o iubeam prea mult, de fapt am ajuns sa o iubesc mai mult decat propria mea viata. Dar ma voi opri aici….

Dupa un timp, de fapt cateva zile dupa ce ne-am impacat lucrurile au devenit destul de grave si nu a mai raspuns la telefon, nimic. A urmat doar discutia la mesage si sa-mi spuna pur si simplu ca „nu mai are sentimente pentru mine”. O replica urata pentru mine si atat de crud incat nu pot intelege nimic si care ar fi motivul. Cu toate ca eu, in fiecare zi spun cat de mult iubesc, in fiecare zi ii trimiteam declaratii de dragoste mai ales dimineata in timp ce ea doarme. sunt multe care doar un barbat cu adevarat indragostit fac multe lucruri frumoase….

Exact cum eu ma trezesc in fiecare dimineata mult mai devreme si m-am apucat sa scriu aceste cuvinte romantice, in fiecare zi, zi de zi. Dar…. II imploram pe Dumnezeu sa ma ajute si sa ma faca sa inteleg de ce toate astea mi se intampla mie. Oana m-a parasit, din nou, si eu in lacrimi incercam sa o inteleg si chiar am incercat dar pur si simplu am refuzat sa cred ca totul s-a terminat.

O iubeam mult, prea mult. Nu inteleg de ce dragostea mea fata de oana a fost atat de imensa incat am ajuns in situatia asta si disperarea mea de a incerca sa ies din acest impas. Am inceput sa ma transform in alt om, acel om cum am fost eu, asa cum ma stiu prieteni din regatul 164 care ma considera un om cu o personalitate buna, un om placut. Dar nu, nu mai sunt acel om, pur si simplu m-am schimbat.

Am inceput sa o urasc pe oana pe zi ce trece deoarece ea stia de trecutul meu nefericit, ea stia de tragedia mea, ea stia de copilaria mea nefericita si mi-a fagaduit ca nu ma va rani si ca va fi ultima mea femeie din viata mea si ca in sfarsit voi avea parte si eu la fericire si acest lucru mi-a dat siguranta si incredere. Ea stia ca este ultimul meu tren in aceasta relatie si ca nu voi mai iubi pe nimeni altcineva, ca sentimentele mele i-am dat ei, cat si inima si sufletul, absolut totul.

Asa am inceput sa ma indragostesc de oana. Dar mi-a distrus viata intr-un mod brutal si cu atata cruzime…. Nu inteleg de ce aceasta persoana face atat de rau… Totul s-a terminat. Am inceput sa ma distantez de prieteni mei, de familia mea, si de toti. Inclusiv si de joc m-am lasat si mia-m luat ramas bun de la regatul 164 (de mentionat ca mai joc si in regatul 284 unde de multe ori am incercat sa ma las dar, m-am atasat de grupul polonezi deoarece sunt oameni deosebiti) In ziua urmatoare a fost luni si m-am asigurat cand toata lumea a plecat la munca si cand am ramas singur am scris o scrisoare pentru gestul meu de ceea ce urma sa fac, asadar, ultimul meu mesaj am trimis si Oanei, in lacrimi, ca nu am vrut sa ajung asa si mi-am luat ramas bun de la toti.

Ce sentiment ciudat am avut, ameteli, furie si obosit de atatea chinuri si suferinta, mi-am taiat venele si m-am asezat in cada, in baie, am luat si 4 pastile de somnifere sa dorm doar, cu gandul sa imbratisez moartea…. ultimul lucru care am mai facut era doar sa privesc pozele cu oana inainte sa adorm. asta e tot ce imi amintesc. Stiu ca gestul este atat de rau si atat de gresit dar intelegeti ce inseamna sa iubesti mult, si cred ca putini stiu acest lucru care au avut astfel de viata similar cu a mea. Nimeni nu doreste sa simta acest lucru ceea ce am simtit eu.

Dar inca mai traiesc, traiesc si acum… Cum am scapat cu viata? am dormit 8 ore si cu mult sange pierdut si dureri insuportabile atunci cand m-au readus la viata. prieteni mei panicati cand m-au gasit la baie m-au salvat si eu ii uram.

Am pierdut mult sange si aveam nevoie de sange, donatori nu prea sunt deoarece eu am grupa de sange diferit si putini au asa ceva dar pana la urma s-a gasit. Dar trebuia sa lupt sa salvez rinichii fiind afectati dar pana la urma am scapat. Am stat 2 saptamani la spital, in aceste 2 saptamani nu am primit un semn de la oana, sa stie daca mai traiesc sau nu. Atata indiferenta pentru tot raul care mi-a provocat. Atata suferinta pe care am indurat si nu stiu ce sa fac, cum sa procedez sa ies din acest impas…

Am revenit asadar pe joc, prieteni din alianta mea m-au primit cu bratele deschise si tot incearca sa-mi ridice moralul ca sa uit de cosmarul meu. Multumesc pentru asta si apreciez, mai ales si jucatori din regatul 164 care ma cunosc. Multi zic ca sunt un om bun cu o personalitate buna si cu mult bun simt. Dar nu mai sunt acel om, viata mea s-a schimbat radical.

Nu mai sunt acel om care am fost odata deoarece am pierdut tot, am incetat sa mai cred in Dumnezeu… Sunt omul care nu mai crede in credinta, sunt omul care nu mai spera la nimic, dar de fapt nici nu mai sunt om. Am incercat de multe ori sa imi revin dar sunt prea obosit si nu mai pot.

Vreti sa stiti ce am aflat? Oana pe care am iubit atat de mult deja a intrat in contact cu un turc pe nume Musa Baba, astfel ei au format un cuplu cat si castele lor au redenumit cu „Gulumseme”. Acest cuvant inseamna zambet sau fericire.

Adica eu am suferit si oana cu musa baba se iubeau. Am mai aflat prin intermediul prieteniei al oanei in legatura cu cancer care de fapt a fost fals. Am mai aflat si alte lucruri despre oana ca fiind o persoana care flirteaza cu multi baieti. Si eu atat de naiv si visator am ccrezut in Oana. Acest lucr inseamna ca Oana a profitat de sentimentele mele si ca de fapt nu m-a iubit niciodata.

Drept consecinte ale mele, Din cauza ei am pierdut peste £4000, Am recurs la gestul de a ma sinucide, si am ajus sa ma transform in persoana rea cum am mai spus, nu mai sunt om. In prezent, sunt in viata, inca traiesc, dar sufletul meu e atat de gol si atat de rece si nu stiu ce sa fac sa revin la om normal. Zilele trecute am fost concediat pe motiv ca nu dau randament. Zilnic merg la bar si consum alcool si deja situatia mea financiara a ajuns pe minus. Luni trebuei sa merg la munca ca sa castig pentru traiul meu. Nu stiu ce voi face de acum incolo.

Acum intelegeti de ce este atat de greu pentru un om? Momente grele pe care le-a indurat in copilarie, esecul care am pierdut viitorul, esecul tragediei mortii tatalui meu si totodata in aceeasi zi sa rupa si logodna, esecul pe care am avut cu aceasta femeie, adica oana, care mi-a furat viitorul meu, si dreptul meu la fericire, persoana care mi-a promis ca nu ma va rani niciodata.

Si sper sa nu ma criticati dar, acesta sunt eu. Am pierdut tot si nu mai sper nimic de la aceasta viata, tot ce mi-a mai ramas e sa imbratisez inima mea franta de oana. Se spune ca dragostea este un risc, intrucat niciodata nu sunt sigur ca voi simti adevaratele emotii.

Aceasta relatie pe care am avut cu Oana am sperat din toata inima ca de data asta va fi mai bine, pe de alta parte mi-a fost teama de tradarea si nefericirea pe care o pot trai din dragoste. Este adevarat ca dragostea poate ucide, gestul meu de am pus capat vietii dar am esuat.

Este atat de dureros incat nu pot explica in cuvinte cat de mult sufar. Tin telefonul in mana, sperand ca ma va suna. Dar trec zile, apoi saptamani, iar gandurile ma apasa. Ma gandesc „ce face? Ii este dor de mine? Se gandeste la mine?”

Abia reusesc sa ma ridic din pat si incerc sa incep o noua viata dar sunt prea obosit si dezamagit de modul acesta al vietii mele, tot ce mi-a mai ramas e sa imbratisez inima franta, sa incerc sa traiesc zilele cu zambetul pe buze, ca sa ascund durerea, dar nu de fiecare data reusesc. Waterloo (kingdom 164, 284)

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